“”Calling out” problematic behavior has nothing to do with persuading someone to believe what you believe. The objective is not to “educate”.
The point of a “call out” is to abruptly interrupt violence.
Let me repeat that:
The point of a “call out” is to abruptly interrupt violence.It’s to ensure that the offending party understands that their violence will not go unchallenged. It is not to be normalized. It will not be met with civility or tolerance, but with swift condemnation.”
What to do when you get Called Out, a step-by-step guide:
1. Accept it.
2. Appreciate it. Show gratitude … Calling you out is actually in fact doing you a favor. Calling someone out is emotional labor.
(See my as yet written essay On Anger as Emotional Labor / Anger is a Valid Form of Emotional Labor. Why? … Because anger topples empires and anger breaks shackles.)
3. Learn from it. Every single call out is a learning opportunity. At the very very least you have the chance to learn how strongly you hold certain beliefs. So as far as gratitude goes it’s always good protocol to thank your teachers.
4. Apologize. As sincerely and succinctly as possible.
Your process is your process; aka your business. We don’t really need or want to know the TMI of how you digested and passed that bout of toxic whiteness. We can tell you “got it” by your subsequent actions and sincerity.
5. Integrate… most likely the education you get from getting called out is not instantaneous, unfortunately. So schedule some time to research / google whatever some of the terms or concepts that were involved, problematic, and/or coming up in the initial action/verbiage and the call out.
Feel free to ask the caller out politely and humbly if they would be willing to further educate/ explain/process with you. Be sure to…
